As a young man Francis Carr was terrified of the thought and smell of his own farts. It is reported that on several different occasions Francis developed his own unique scheme to hide the rank essence of his own body. Mr. Carr would grab up to 6 permanent markers (sometimes as little as 2 markers) and would remove the caps on all of them wafting them in the general direction of his ass-butt. At this point he would let his bowels loose under the delusion the markers covered up the scent of pure evil. What his class mates were left with was a caustic concoction of chemicals and feces overpowering their senses. It brought many to tears, including myself just hearing about this tragic story.
In related Carr news the state of West Virginia made Mr. Carr so excited as a teenager that he shat his pants. This has resulted in a nick name that still haunts Mr. Carr to this day. Simply calling him West Virginia can cause Mr. Carr to go into uncontrollable fits of crying, curling up into a fetal position, and inevitably shitting his pants.
A few theories have been brought to the table about what caused Carr to be so excited about West Virginia over a decade ago. West Virginia is where his uncle Harry Carr-Martinez lives. Harry has been known to take his nephews to some of the lowest rent whore houses West Virginia has to offer. Some speculate that Francis Carr Lost his virginity to a retarded wino named Violetta during one of his trips to visit uncle Harry. This would inevitable make Carr very excited as to date Francis has only slept with 3 humans and over a dozen animals.
Another theory is that Francis was a die hard fan of the University of West Virginia's Mountaineers athletic department and after the Mountaineers took 2 Big East Championchips during his youth he could not control his bowels while even speaking on the matter.
The truth is in Francis Carr's trivial brain, and no one will ever know the truth as it may have been too traumatic for Francis to ever rehash.
This concludes todays installment of the Carr Report. Until next time shimmy shimmy ram, ram a damn ding dong!
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